Let's dance tonight.

Pengertian

pengertian. satu ungkapan mudah, yang mudah diucapkan tetapi ia merupakan satu perkataan yang membawa erti yang lebih mendalam dari apa yang ingin diertikan. bukan sesuatu yang mudah untuk dilaksanakan, bagi yang cuba mengerti maksud satu pengertian. ianya bukan satu perhentian, tetapi buat sepanjang hayat.

When My mum wants us to taste her salt.

Orang tua makan garam dulu. As the malay sayings go,old people have a taste of their salt first which usually reflects on their experiences. im sharing this salt of my mum’s. my conversation between my mum, brother and me. About life,financial and marriage.
Marriage,She said, its not for a day or two, (which i then replied with her, yeahh..like okays..everyone knows that), its for a lifetime and more than just accepting and loving one another. Because love on its own cannot suffice for the purpose of building a marriage, it doesnt bring food on the table. It is a common statement ; to say money will never be enough, but to her, never ever say there’s no money; despite how little the amount we have (to her, money is money and every word uttered is a prayer). What if god choose to take away something you have because you kept denying what you own. In other words, be thankful and contented that our life and financial is stable- not rich, but stable. Or if we do earn more than sufficient , she says.. to always remember that to give a bit, to sedekah Importantly, savings is a must. Every cent counts, so no matter how small the savings is, you save. You never know, this savings may just save you.
My mum’s principles in handling money issues are simple. Her rule of thumb;

#1 Bills- Pay full. Not one third, not half.Because by doing so, itll just accumulate the amount. First thing you got your salary, settle all the bills. bills; tall and suffocated or not.
#2 According to her, based on my late dad’s practices- Pay Cash is the best. Avoid instalments as much as possible. It’ll be a monthly burden. But if you do need to go through instalments, make sure its within means and never miss the payment, especially when you have the capacity to pay and also especially, when there are penalties for late payment. My late dad used to pay almost every bill in the house via GIRO, to avoid late payment.
#3 Wanna be fashionably dressed with whatever wants in the wishlist? Sure can, so long the content of the wallet is fashionably enough and the savings is fashionably alive too. She said, earn more doesnt mean spend more- it should be save more. -__- She don’t believe in this concept of biar papa asal bergaya. like yeah, duh.
so, its like lets be practical. To live, you need/want love and to be loved. But to live, you also need money. To live with the one you love, you need to have money. What an irony - money is the root of all evil, but yet you need it to survive a living on earth. But wells, so long, you do not live your whole life and JUST pondering on your money per se..then you’re rather ordinary.Life is not about piling heaps of cash. You need some loving.
She was “reminding” my brother that she acknowledged his long term relationship with his girlfriend but she will only approve of his settling down ideas when she feels he is stable enough, both career and financially. Save for your own wedding, then you’ll realize how painstaking it is - then you’ll appreciate the hurdles you’ve gone through to fulfil your dream. she says. Heh, after all the reminders and warnings she gave us that made her sound like a strict mum, she actually added on;I’ll chip in but i wont tell you how much and for which part of your wedding until the moment itself. We’ll see. Of course, theres the typical comparison between orang dulu(people inthe past) and orang sekarang(people in the present). Orang dulu susah, nak kahwin pun kena ikat perut sebab nak simpan duit. haha,my mum,.everything about her seems to be about savings.She talk about relationships, how when one gets married, you’re also marrying the family and there’s alot of things we need to be aware of to maintain healthy family relationships. She said, ” A good husband is also someone who never forgets his mum, who’s able to juggle his status as a husband and as a son. Then, his life will be more blessed. A good wife should never question her husband’s space with his mum, because a wife can never replace a mum” There were alot more that we talk about. like….
Why some wives chose to stay and go through anything and everything with the husband despite the problems a husband may have caused/troubled her or vice versa. She say, because a promise was made, that its for better or for worse the moment you got married on your wedding day. It’s a promise not just between the couple, but also to god. As much as possible, as long as its manageable and theres’s a possibility and chance of saving the tie….then with all means and effort, its a responsibility. God wont puts one to test, beyond their capabilities.

But again, this issue is subjective….To each its own.
This whole point of this conversation, is reminding me and my brother( referring to my mum’s first son out of his three sons, my first younger brother out of my three younger brothers haha) that life on its own is a commitment surrounded with all the commitments we made and will make with the people we love, our decisions and actions. Sidetrack a bit

Today is definitely a historic moment. so so surreal.heh. We’ve come this far. Insya allah, everything will run smoothly. .
Till we meet again,insyaallah for once. only.

deescribbled at 4:00am„22nd November 2010.
p:/s:and again, im not gonna bother checking grammatical errors and whatnots at this hour!

abah

Bagi aku, bagaimana dia;orangnya tidak penting…
yang penting, bagaimana aku mengenangnya.

lets condone to randomnity-ies tonight.

my left hand is itching.you know what that means- (ok translate) malay mother mother and auntie auntie will say your money will fly away meaning, you will go buy buy things. read: equivalent to shopping.

Tidakkkkk! (Noooooo!)

i have a choice. don’t i. (but when i am alone, with nothing else to do, without you around to “stopslashnag” at me and with dateless nights and without hearing you naggingslashcomplainingslashventing about work and whatever there is the world which i willingly gave my ears to you, i think i should go easy on myself and forgive myself for burning a hole in my pocketslashwallet(lately and i foresee more to come till you’re back)- at least there’s your face in my wallet) i have been controling-trying as much to NOT touch my reserves. do you how tempting it has been.

Okay, i am feeling the pinch already and i thought my occupied schedule can keep my mind occupied. okays, i am accustomed to this, and able to accomodate to this. a bit too optimistic(or toooverlyconfidentandegocentric) that ill pull through smoothly. but it gets exhausting and silently, i weep myself to bed. mindfreak- one moment you think you’re good for the day and you had a good day, the next you’re feeling rockbottom- prolly the worse of your life.
thats not psychotic- that’s humane. and for ladies- PMS it could have been.

i hate how routine my life has become. it has been in an orderly manner- too orderly that im getting sick and tired of it. for that, i have a list of things i want to do which i know i wont do or have the benefit of time to do so:
learn baking as in from someone good(so that i wont have to trial and error all the time- you know its an ugly feeling when you put your heart and soul to bake and the cake just doesnt want to make you smile even when you smile so much, gluing your eyes and sticking your nose right in front of the oven).
i want to jog- believe me. i always tell myself to wake up earlier and run at the stadium which is only like 2 blocks and a traffic light away from my place.but no, i woke up like a shocked chicken every morning cause the alarm always rang at the wrong timing(way too early or way too late) and then the rushing hour begins. otherwise, ill be a parttime housedaughter clearing my laundry and room and again, like a shocked chicken, rushed to school. - okay so where were we?

great, its 1:54am. and i have a class at 8.30. Which i know ill wake up at 6.30 and then sleep again. and snoooze.

i better go. but before i do so, dear you, do you know that i just realized that missing you can be pretty exhausting. cause im a worry-freak(have you eaten?are you okay? are you sleeping in some freaky places?are you stuck in the rain? have you called your parents?) and oh yes, kanchongspider to the max. but above all, i hope beruknai is doing good for you.

okay, i better go. (didnt i just typed that?)

deescribbled@2.02am

this shall be it, when it comes.

.

“i prayed that you never steal,lie or cheat. If you must steal, steal away my sorrows from me. If you must lie, lie next to me throughout my darkest nights, and throughout the sunshine days.If you must cheat, then chit chat with me instead.”

deescribbled@8thseptember2010@7:43am

Simply.

because i have a determination, strong like that. And i will never give up, nor give up on anyone, especially whom i feel strongly for,especially you. Through all odds. Im embracing the third stage with you soon, and i am looking forward to that.

Run

in the long run, would you even run for that same person you chase after without fail, unconditionally, just to ensure he/she is not going anywhere else, but to you.
in the long run, will that same person who called themselves your superhero bothered to save you, when you are troubled, even by nothing. in the long run, will that one person who assured you its normal to be in tears and feel the fears, still continue to believe in what he/she once said to you, or feel annoyed by that familiarity?
in the long run, will those principles once presented to you remain real or will it only speaks its truth when the real play takes its act on stage?
as much as you run, you cant avoid when your mind scares you with your scary past. As much as you run, you know you cant run from facts cause facts are real. It happened, and images can pay a visit, simply because it happened. As much as you want to run away, you want the one who used to chase after you without fail to chase after you again, to stop you, to gather your fears and simply put, just be there. Feelings are unpredictable. You cant expect them to obey your mind, to not feel what you feel, all the time. Sometimes feelings are unexplainable. There are so many factors, so many parts of your life that may be an influence to your character, your emotions. Thats how idiotic, it can be. You can pretend and hide, but how much can you do so. Even the strongest man may fall,failing to his own emotions.
of life and people around you; Words, could bring you up and sometimes, bring you at your lowest point. Your morale, your confidence, your perception can be affected regardless tof he number of self persuasion of denying negativities being said …..and those idiotic feelings will linger around him/her, before it goes away and make a comeback.

Actions on the other hand, speaks louder than words could say….means so much more that beautiful words uttered…and thats another fact, we can’t run from.
.

Embraced.

The long awaited post. I just couldnt describe how beautiful the trip was. Im not quite a trekking person, and i was very weary about the idea initially. But my maiden attempt of embracing my first ever mountain trekking was quite an experience not meant to be forgotten at all. Its nature, nature and more nature. To Breathe the fresh air and setting my eyes on such a breathless,amazing scenery and of course,to enjoy natural sauna from the hot spring demanded a high level of patience,energy and determination from me, First time, through jungle in the dark, as early as 4.15am in the morning with a torchlight was no joke. Im not a fan of darkness to begin with, never been in a jungle, never been trained or never train for this and in other words, i have absolutely no clue what its really like to be in there. We touched down late night, and barely had sleep. The driver picked us up and drove through the roads and most of the time, bumpy from south bali all the way to the north bali. It was about 2hours ride or so. I couldnt explain how scary some parts of the driving was. But it doesnt matter, we reached safely and thats all i was thankful and asked for.

so to my surprise the jungle wasn’t as thick as i thought it would be. Probably it was dark and i couldnt see well. As we trekked through the jungle, i got over confident and excited, thought it was easy peasy snce there’s a trail but of course, silly dee didnt quite realize that part of the trekking was the ground level and the mountain was still far away. pretty long journey.
As we trekked, it gets tougher and more rocky that i thought it would be. It was pretty slippery and at certain parts, the darkness really annoyed me. I dont quite have a good pair of eyes. and my eyesight gets blurry at some points. I swear i almost cried,but i didnt.i pushed myself so much as i didn’t want to disappoint myself. The adrenalin rush was amazingly weird. Im nervous, but at the same time, im so excited to get to the top. To cut short, i want to get it over and done with to see what is up there. I know i don’t give up easily so im like chanting to myself inside my head, i can do this. the test of mental power. Mind over body. I was perspiring like mad, and i slowed some people behind me and had to let them do the climbing first. Satria said i was going pretty fast, too fast which caused me to have so much difficulty in breathing most of the time. The higher we go, the air gets thinner, and the more tougher it gets.
Nearing the top, we took a break and watch stars,they are like so close tho they are so far away and what such beauty! chatted with our guide about the life in bali, how tough life is and how thankful i should be with the life i have back in my own country. Back to trekking and a bit of climbing, and when i finally reached the top…just wow. in total awe.and thats when you know, your heart automatically uttered nothing else but praising the almighty’s creation; irregardless whether you’re pious or not. You just will. you’d really feel so small on this big earth. you’d even feel smaller when you’re up there.



So i made it. Something i never thought i would do.But i did. i tried, and for a first timer, i think i did pretty well. 1700m high, uber dark, rocks, slippery. 2hours plus of trekking and some climbing. some steep areas. safely. i am a happy happy girl.
Pictures talking for now.


The steam and the “sleeping” active volcano.

I looked pretty shagged here.
and here, but of course i could not forget how the mountain guides were so excited over my polaroid and when i started issuing one of the pictures to one of them, the rest want one too. I guess they didn’t quite have the luxury to have their own picture? They seemed pretty excited to see their face on the polaroid.
Superb experience, simple breakfast with fantastic view and of course, most importantly, a great companion.
now, trekking back down was another worry for me, it was better than trekking up of course.



Fantastic cloud view as we trekked down.


this energetic babe chose to ride down halfway through the ground!

heh, i chose to take more more pics!

You can actually see the mountain at the back….


Thats it for now, Im done with the highlight of the trip. So ill just flood with some pics of Jimbaran beach and bali.






Thats it.
deesribbled @ 15thjune2010.

Notes in a bottle

Bottled feelings can be fatal, when its full, it will, overflow. So one of the ways to avoid that fatality, is to let it out, if speaking it out caused too much guilty, i believed the best is to scribble them out if thats the only way to avoid clear intentions being read wrongly. Tough, as sometimes you just needed a listening ear,nothing else. and one thing for sure, hurting the person who meant so much to you is the very last thing you’d want to do. but at the same time, we are all,still and you are still, human.

But probably, writing them little notes and keep them in the bottle could help ease some bits of the pain.
dscribbled@10thjune2010